What are Grief, Loss, and Bereavement?
Grief, loss, and bereavement are deeply connected emotional experiences that arise when someone faces the death of a loved one or another significant loss in their life. Though these terms are often used interchangeably, each has its own unique meaning and role in the process of coping with significant life changes.
Grief refers to the emotional response to loss, particularly the loss of someone or something significant. It is a complex and highly individual experience that can involve a range of emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, relief, or even numbness.
Loss refers to the event itself—the actual experience of losing someone, whether through death, a breakup, a divorce, or another type of separation. Loss can also refer to the loss of a role or identity, such as when someone loses their job, their health, or their home.
Bereavement is the state or period of mourning that follows a significant loss, especially the death of a loved one. It encompasses the social, emotional, and psychological aspects of dealing with that loss.
The Nature of Grief
Grief is the emotional response to loss, and it can manifest in many ways. It’s a normal reaction to loss, but it can feel overwhelming, intense, and sometimes all-consuming. Grief does not follow a linear or predictable path—everyone experiences it in their own way, and it may fluctuate over time.
The experience of grief can vary significantly depending on the nature of the loss, the relationship to the person or thing lost, and an individual's personality, coping mechanisms, and support system. While grief is often associated with death, it can also occur after any significant loss, such as:
Death of a loved one (family member, friend, partner)
Separation or divorce
Loss of a job or career
Loss of a home or financial security
Chronic illness or loss of health
Loss of a pet
Loss of an important role or identity (e.g., becoming an empty-nester, retirement, etc.)
Stages of Grief
The experience of grief is often described in terms of stages or phases, although these stages are not always experienced in a specific order, nor do they apply to everyone in the same way. One of the most well-known models of the stages of grief was proposed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. Her model includes five stages:
Denial: The initial reaction is disbelief. A person may feel numb or in shock, unable to fully accept the reality of the loss. This stage may be accompanied by thoughts like, "This can’t be happening" or "I can't believe they're really gone."
Anger: After the shock wears off, intense emotions like anger can arise. A person may feel frustrated, helpless, or even betrayed by the loss. They may direct this anger inward (e.g., feeling guilty or blaming themselves) or outward (e.g., blaming others or the person who has passed). "Why me?" or "This isn’t fair!" are common sentiments during this stage.
Bargaining: In an attempt to reverse or prevent the loss, a person may make bargains or promises in their mind, often hoping for a reprieve from the pain. This might involve thoughts like, "If I had only done this differently" or "I would do anything to have them back."
Depression: As the reality of the loss sets in, feelings of deep sadness, despair, and hopelessness can arise. This stage often involves overwhelming sorrow, crying, and a sense of emptiness. People may withdraw from others or feel disconnected from the world around them. They may experience difficulty functioning in their daily life, such as going to work or caring for themselves.
Acceptance: In this final stage, individuals come to terms with the reality of their loss. While they may still feel sadness or longing, they begin to find a way to live with the loss. Acceptance doesn't mean forgetting or "getting over" the loss, but it involves finding a new way to move forward, and adjusting to life without the loved one or loss at the center of one's world.
The Individual Nature of Grief
While the five stages of grief are helpful in understanding the emotional journey many people go through, they are not a rigid or universal process. Grief is highly personal, and people may experience some or all of the stages, or they may move through them in a different order, or even revisit them multiple times.
Some people may experience:
Shock and disbelief: A state of emotional numbness or detachment, where the individual has difficulty believing the loss is real.
Guilt: A person may feel guilty about things they did or didn’t do, things left unsaid, or wishing they could have done more.
Relief: Especially in cases where the loved one had been suffering, a person may feel relief that their loved one is no longer in pain, or they may feel relief from the strain of caregiving.
Regret: Feelings of regret over things left undone or unsaid, or wondering if they could have handled things differently.
Longing or yearning: A deep, ongoing sense of missing the person or situation and wishing they could return.
Resentment: For some, resentment toward the situation, toward others who are coping differently, or even toward the deceased person can arise.
The process of grief is often not linear. Individuals might experience periods of emotional numbness followed by intense waves of sadness, or they may feel like they’re “doing well” one day only to be overwhelmed by grief the next. It’s common to have good days and bad days.
Loss and Its Impact
Loss can impact every part of a person's life, often in ways that they may not anticipate. The impact of loss can be psychological, emotional, physical, and even spiritual. Some of the effects of loss may include:
Mental Health Effects: Grief can trigger symptoms of anxiety, depression, or even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), especially if the loss was sudden, traumatic, or accompanied by unresolved emotional pain.
Physical Symptoms: The emotional strain of grief can manifest physically, with symptoms like fatigue, sleep disturbances, headaches, muscle tension, digestive issues, or a weakened immune system.
Changes in Relationships: The loss of a loved one can shift family dynamics or alter existing relationships. People may experience strain with friends or family members who are grieving differently or feel socially isolated. Conversely, grief can bring people closer together, as they support each other through the pain.
Identity and Role Changes: Loss can cause someone to reevaluate their own identity. For instance, the death of a spouse may leave someone feeling alone and unsure of their role as a partner, or the loss of a career may create a sense of loss of purpose or direction.
Spiritual Effects: For many people, loss prompts questions about faith, existence, and the meaning of life. Some may find solace in spiritual practices, while others may experience doubt, anger, or confusion.
Bereavement and Coping with Loss
Bereavement is the period of mourning and emotional processing that follows a significant loss, especially the death of a loved one. It involves not only the psychological and emotional pain of grieving but also the process of adjusting to life without the person who has died.
The process of bereavement may include:
Mourning rituals: Many cultures have established rituals for mourning, such as funerals, wakes, or memorial services, which help people express their grief and support each other. These rituals often provide structure and comfort during a time of emotional chaos.
Cultural and social support: The way a person copes with grief can be influenced by their culture, religion, and social support network. Some cultures encourage open expressions of grief, while others may promote more private or restrained forms of mourning.
Finding meaning: Over time, individuals may try to find meaning or purpose in the loss. This could involve reflecting on the positive aspects of the relationship or life of the deceased, creating a legacy, or engaging in acts of remembrance.
Seeking professional help: Grief can sometimes be overwhelming, and if it leads to complicated grief (when grief becomes persistent and severely disrupts one’s ability to function), professional support from a therapist or counselor may be necessary. Therapy can provide guidance on how to navigate grief, cope with overwhelming emotions, and eventually find a path toward healing.
Complicated or Prolonged Grief
Most people eventually adjust to their loss and find ways to continue living their lives, though the process can take time. However, some individuals experience complicated grief, also known as prolonged grief disorder (PGD), where the symptoms of grief do not lessen over time but instead intensify. People with complicated grief may have difficulty accepting the loss, experience extreme emotional pain, or feel emotionally stuck. This can interfere with their ability to function in everyday life.
Symptoms of complicated grief may include:
Persistent sadness or sorrow that doesn’t improve over time.
Feeling that life has lost all meaning.
Intense feelings of guilt, regret, or anger.
Difficulty moving forward with life or engaging in activities that were once enjoyable.
In such cases, therapy—such as grief counseling, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), or complicated grief therapy—can be helpful in processing the pain and finding a way forward.
Treating Grief at New Dawn Psychiatric Services
Grief, loss, and bereavement are powerful, complex, and universal human experiences. While the pain associated with losing a loved one or experiencing a significant loss can feel unbearable at times, it’s important to remember that grieving is a natural, necessary process.
If you are facing grief, loss, and bereavement, we’re here to consult with you and explore your options at New Dawn Psychiatric Services. We take most major insurance plans, plus Medicare and Medicaid. Financing is also available. With time, support, and self-compassion, people can heal, adjust, and find new ways to honor their loved ones and move forward with life.